i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
