Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
