My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
