Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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