My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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