I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
