He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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