i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
