no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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