i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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