My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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