I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
