We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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