she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
