If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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