I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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