Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
