my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Houston, we have a blender
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
