He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
