Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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