Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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