new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
