He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize