Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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