I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
