one word: firstdatebathroomanal
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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