If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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