weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
