The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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