.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
