i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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