if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
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