i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
