hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
