Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Soap is not a condiment
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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