wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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