So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize