Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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