I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just high enough for therapy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
