Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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