my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You made out with two different species that night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
