I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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