If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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