she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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