New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize