so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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