You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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