For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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