I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize