Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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