you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
