I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
