the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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