if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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