Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
