So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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