Soap is not a condiment
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
