he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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