he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
