Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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