You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
