Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize