She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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