My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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