If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
