he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
