I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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