The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
