Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
