Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
