Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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