I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
