somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
