I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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