she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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