So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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