Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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