he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
