Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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